Friday, January 11, 2008

Prediction: “Rats 1 City 0”

Did you know we have a new “Rat Czar” in town? That’s right! Bobby Corrigan, a national expert on pest control was recently hired to run the rats out of the Big Apple (The Pied Piper was apparently out of town on business). His hiring is part of a new rat offensive. The last rat war, in case you lost track, was several years ago. We lost. This one however comes after a yearlong study which concluded that New York City has too many rats. No surprise to any city resident or local pest control expert who didn’t need a study to know that! The strategy this time? City health inspectors armed with handheld computers are cataloging signs of rat life and notating conditions which help them to thrive here. That's laughable. Whatever happened to the tried and true concept of more pesticides and fewer food resources?

Health Commissioner Thomas Frieden stated, “there is no quick fix.” Health Commissioner, if we really need handheld computers to help lower the rat population, your quote couldn’t be any truer.

Knicks Reality TV?

The controversy about the New York Knicks hiring actors to parade themselves as “Knick fans” in a series of new MSG television commercials seems to have been resolved. The actors when questioned confirmed they were in fact "Garden groupies" who truly love our boys in blue and orange. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction! Perhaps the real question that should have been asked was … why didn’t the casting agency put out a call for stuntmen instead of actors? After all, no actors could properly display the pain and suffering that true Knick fans have endured for all these years. A guy used to getting bloodied and broken is what’s needed for that role!

Take The “C Trains” To Complain

Subway riders who took the time to complete their “New York City Transit Rider Report Cards” (maybe during a “slight delay” on their train ride) overwhelming graded the system with C’s and C-minuses. Schoolchildren know that while C-grades are passing, they should strive to do much better. Yet, NYC Transit President Howard Roberts said “if we can move from a C-minus to a C, then I will be satisfied… Moving from that baseline is the important thing.” Can you imagine if your child said the same thing at report card time??? Makes me wonder how someone (see above) would perform on that new TV game show on FOX – Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Yet, who’s really less intelligent? A government official for making that absurd remark … or New Yorkers for not punishing city bosses for poor performance.